Is it wrong for the wife of someone working fulltime in ministry to attend a different church than the one her husband works at? - MinistryQuestions.com | Ministry questions, answers, advice, and input from other ministry workers

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Is it wrong for the wife of someone working fulltime in ministry to attend a different church than the one her husband works at?

I'm a worship pastor at a church. My wife has some issues with certain policies and ideas in the church. One of them in particular does affect our special needs son. However, she's frustrated to the point of where she wants to attend a totally different church.
Is there anything in scripture that goes along with this issue? With someone on full-time ministry staff having a spouse involved in a totally different church?

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- Dan Lin...
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2 years ago

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marriage,

ministry,

spouse

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0 Votes Are these new issues or have they been there all along? If they are new, a sit-down with the Senior Pastor might be a good move. If you're worried that talking with SP might cause more trouble, it's time to jump ship from that church anyway. If these issues have been there all along, it sounds like it is finally time to move on. Time hasn't healed them. As for scripture, a household divided against itself cannot stand. (Matthew 12:25). This seems like a crummy situation, but a pretty clear solution, you need to do what it takes to spiritually support your wife. by Luke 2 years ago by Luke 2 years ago
0 Votes Sorry dude. My parents tried this, 2 years they were separated, ultimately they divorced. So I would say watch out! I would say you & your wife need to talk about your calling to that church. If you are called, your are called together (Mark 10:7-9). Your wife may need to consider if God is testing her patients in order to purify her (James 1:2-4). If so she will have to endure for a time as she struggles to reconcile, forgive, take up her cross. You may have been brought to that church as a couple to expose their issue, and then help them deal with it. Or possibly you weren't called to worship pastor that church at all, in which case you should resign, for the sake of your family & church, even your own soul. by benja 2 years ago by benja 2 years ago
0 Votes I think wrong and destructive go hand in hand here. Although there may not be any direct scriptures that tell you what to do as the worship pastor when your wife is unhappy with the church, I think you can use biblical based common sense. Care for your family more than the church. If your wife is completely unhappy and it's because your son isn't being treated fairly, maybe it's either time to play hardball with the church and work something out or find a new place for your family. by pjwong 2 years ago by pjwong 2 years ago
0 Votes I would actually say it is wrong. I would also suggest that this is a situation where you need to go to bat for her and your family. Be a leader in the home and tell her you both will stand together and fight if that is appropriate or help her come around to see the other side if that is appropriate. Second if the issue is significant enough and a resolution cannot be reached, then it is time to think about moving on. Seek reconciliation first, that is the ministry God has given us 2 cor. 5 by John Byrne 2 years ago by John Byrne 2 years ago
0 Votes I agree with everyone. It might not be wrong but it will cause problems. If your wife isn't happy where you work, then you might need to rethink where you work. I tried this many years back and it never worked out for our family. Worshiping in two place as a family is hard to do. by Soulshaper 2 years ago by Soulshaper 2 years ago
0 Votes Wrong? No. Headed towards trouble? Probably. Here is what I think: Your family comes before your job and if this is presenting a problem with your family then perhaps it is time to move on and find a place where you can all worship together as a family. by vissirion 2 years ago by vissirion 2 years ago
0 Votes I really appreciate everything that the previous guys have mentioned. One more thought I have is this; if we believe that God's Word is truth, how can a husband and wife who have been made one by God worship apart from one another or divided? I understand that there are some occasions where this might be acceptable (ex. being out of town), but I don't think this is one of them. I'm glad you're humble enough to seek the advice of others. I can't come up with a very good reason for you and your wife to worship separately. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to attend the same church, whether that means leaving your current church if you believe God is calling you away, or staying if He has not. His will be done. by chris 2 years ago by chris 2 years ago
0 Votes The only time i've seen a church staff husband and wife attend different churches is if they are both on staff at diff churches. In mainline denoms it's not uncommon for a husband and wife to both be pastors serving at diff churches. I would think that if your wife does not support your ministry, or the church, then it sets up problems at home. Likewise, if the church perceives that your wife is not supportive of your ministry, it's an open door for conflict with the church. Share your concerns about the issues with sr. pastor and key leaders so that your church can be a place where your family-esp. your son-are welcomed and ministered to. by jasonbh... 2 years ago by jasonbhuffman 2 years ago
0 Votes I don't know that there is a Biblical reference for this because there were not the split and competition between local bodies that there are now. with that said. I think you are setting yourself up for major issues within the church because of that. Obviously I don't know the issues at hand but I would say you need to go to the leadership and let them know the issues. and if they are something that is harming your family it might be time to look for a new ministry position as hard as that is. by Bruiseman 2 years ago by Bruiseman 2 years ago
0 Votes I don't want to sound harsh/insensitive when I say this, but I think that having your spouse attend a different church than the one you work at is trouble waiting to happen. Despite frustrations with the church leadership, leaving the church shows a lack of support and leaves both you and her open to questioning and speculation by the congregation. As a worship pastor, I'm assuming that you are under the authority of your Sr Pastor. Outside closed doors you need to show complete support of the church and its leaders. If it's issues with policies there must be a way to open a conversation with the sr pastor and/or elders of your church. If not, then it might be time to seek God and ask where you and your wife are to be in ministry. by BtheYou... 2 years ago by BtheYouthGuy 2 years ago

Votes

Are these new issues or have they been there all along? If they are new, a sit-down with the Senior Pastor might be a good move. If you're worried that talking with SP might cause more trouble, it's time to jump ship from that church anyway.

If these issues have been there all along, it sounds like it is finally time to move on. Time hasn't healed them.

As for scripture, a household divided against itself cannot stand. (Matthew 12:25). This seems like a crummy situation, but a pretty clear solution, you need to do what it takes to spiritually support your wife.

Luke

2 years ago

Votes

Sorry dude. My parents tried this, 2 years they were separated, ultimately they divorced. So I would say watch out!

I would say you & your wife need to talk about your calling to that church. If you are called, your are called together (Mark 10:7-9). Your wife may need to consider if God is testing her patients in order to purify her (James 1:2-4). If so she will have to endure for a time as she struggles to reconcile, forgive, take up her cross. You may have been brought to that church as a couple to expose their issue, and then help them deal with it. Or possibly you weren't called to worship pastor that church at all, in which case you should resign, for the sake of your family & church, even your own soul.

benja

2 years ago

Votes

I think wrong and destructive go hand in hand here.
Although there may not be any direct scriptures that tell you what to do as the worship pastor when your wife is unhappy with the church, I think you can use biblical based common sense. Care for your family more than the church. If your wife is completely unhappy and it's because your son isn't being treated fairly, maybe it's either time to play hardball with the church and work something out or find a new place for your family.

pjwong

2 years ago

Votes

I would actually say it is wrong. I would also suggest that this is a situation where you need to go to bat for her and your family. Be a leader in the home and tell her you both will stand together and fight if that is appropriate or help her come around to see the other side if that is appropriate.

Second if the issue is significant enough and a resolution cannot be reached, then it is time to think about moving on. Seek reconciliation first, that is the ministry God has given us 2 cor. 5

John Byrne

2 years ago

Votes

I agree with everyone. It might not be wrong but it will cause problems. If your wife isn't happy where you work, then you might need to rethink where you work. I tried this many years back and it never worked out for our family. Worshiping in two place as a family is hard to do.

Soulshaper

2 years ago

Votes

Wrong? No. Headed towards trouble? Probably. Here is what I think: Your family comes before your job and if this is presenting a problem with your family then perhaps it is time to move on and find a place where you can all worship together as a family.

vissirion

2 years ago

Votes

I really appreciate everything that the previous guys have mentioned. One more thought I have is this; if we believe that God's Word is truth, how can a husband and wife who have been made one by God worship apart from one another or divided? I understand that there are some occasions where this might be acceptable (ex. being out of town), but I don't think this is one of them. I'm glad you're humble enough to seek the advice of others. I can't come up with a very good reason for you and your wife to worship separately. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to attend the same church, whether that means leaving your current church if you believe God is calling you away, or staying if He has not. His will be done.

chris

2 years ago

Votes

The only time i've seen a church staff husband and wife attend different churches is if they are both on staff at diff churches. In mainline denoms it's not uncommon for a husband and wife to both be pastors serving at diff churches. I would think that if your wife does not support your ministry, or the church, then it sets up problems at home. Likewise, if the church perceives that your wife is not supportive of your ministry, it's an open door for conflict with the church. Share your concerns about the issues with sr. pastor and key leaders so that your church can be a place where your family-esp. your son-are welcomed and ministered to.

jasonbh...

2 years ago

Votes

I don't know that there is a Biblical reference for this because there were not the split and competition between local bodies that there are now.

with that said. I think you are setting yourself up for major issues within the church because of that. Obviously I don't know the issues at hand but I would say you need to go to the leadership and let them know the issues. and if they are something that is harming your family it might be time to look for a new ministry position as hard as that is.

Bruiseman

2 years ago

Votes

I don't want to sound harsh/insensitive when I say this, but I think that having your spouse attend a different church than the one you work at is trouble waiting to happen. Despite frustrations with the church leadership, leaving the church shows a lack of support and leaves both you and her open to questioning and speculation by the congregation.

As a worship pastor, I'm assuming that you are under the authority of your Sr Pastor. Outside closed doors you need to show complete support of the church and its leaders. If it's issues with policies there must be a way to open a conversation with the sr pastor and/or elders of your church.

If not, then it might be time to seek God and ask where you and your wife are to be in ministry.

BtheYou...

2 years ago

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